During the second week of my class, we were asked to look over specific quotes by LDS prophets and find articles online that upheld those teachings. I loved this assignment. Our children are so precious, and that's something that we need to remember--even when they act up! I decided to post my entire assignment here, since I found it to be so impactful. Enjoy! Quote #1: “Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heart of passion; teach them to love you rather than fear you.” –Brigham Young, Discourses, 1941, 207 Brigham Young stated that we should never correct our children ‘in the heart of passion’, so I decided with this quote that it deserved a contrast that states the horrible effects of harsh physical punishment. In the article ‘The Harmful Effects of Physical Punishment for Children’ from the website ‘Step to health’ (2020), a few of the mental and physical results of abuse are shared. And yes, I agree that corporal punishment can be considered abuse. One of the things the author points out is a question: “Do you really think a spanking is going to get your baby to stop crying?” It’s a valid question! Some of the damage caused to infants and young children can include repression of feelings, an inability to show love for fear of rejection, fear of crying, eating, and sleeping, being accustomed to pain and fear, and an inability to trust themselves. Some infants will be afraid to ask for food or water for fear of punishment! Spanking and smacking can cause physical problems, as well. Severe consequences can include decreased mobility, brain damage, bone dislocation, blindness, and ruptures of blood vessels. Extreme situations can also bring death to the child! Waiting until they’re older can have other serious consequences, since the child is more capable of connecting situations with life lessons. They may learn such things as the ‘importance’ of violence when trying to get what you want. Perhaps they see that if you want to be respected, have authority, or make others share your point of view, then the only way to achieve that is through violent acts. They learn that violence is the way to solve problems. However, violence is not the way to raise happy, secure children. Fear is not love nor respect. Quote #2: “I have never accepted the principle of ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. I will forever be grateful for a father who never laid a hand in anger upon his children. Somehow, he had the wonderful talent to let them know what was expected of them and to give them encouragement in achieving it. I am persuaded that violent fathers produce violent sons. I am satisfied that such punishment in most instances does more damage than good. Children don’t need beating. They need love and encouragement.” --Gordon B. Hinckley, General Conference, October 1994 The article I found that perfectly emphasizes this quote is called ‘What Does Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child Mean?’ (Blevins, 2018) from a Christian website called ‘Crosswalk’. I felt like it was a fantastic comparison and gave some wonderful insights into the scriptural account of ‘spare the rod’. The author of the article first shares the original poem where this phrase is coined: If matrimony and hanging go By dest’ny, why not whipping too? What med’cine else can cure the fits Of lovers when they lose their wits? Love is a boy by poets stil’d; Then spare the rod, and spoil the child. The author then continues to point out that the original scripture verse in Proverbs 13:24 says nothing about spoiling children. It says, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he who loves him chasteneth him betimes.” I loved that he pointed out that in biblical times, shepherds used a crook or a rod to guide their sheep. The rod was used to gently bring back the sheep that would begin to separate themselves from the flock and to keep them on the correct path to home or to the pasture. What a beautiful image this creates! The rod isn’t supposed to be used to beat a child—it is a symbolic image of gentle guidance and course correction. Quote #3: “Gordon liked to say that ‘his father never laid a hand on him except to bless him, and he intended to follow suit.” --Sheri L. Dew, Go Forward with Faith (1996), 141 Another fantastic article that refutes the old adage of ‘Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child’ (Brown, 2017) is found at the ‘Psychology Today’ website. This article, while slightly on the long side, was absolutely fascinating. One of my favorite quotes from the author states: “Most commonly, corporal punishment is enacted when a parental figure is no longer capable of managing his or her own emotional welfare.” I agree that when a parent is ‘at their wits’ end’ is usually when spanking, smacking, or beating occurs. According to President Hinckley, if we are able to control ourselves, and only use our hands to bless, perhaps we would think twice (or maybe more than twice!) before using our hands to beat and manipulate. Yet another reason for corporal punishment that the author points out is, “My father didn’t spare the rod, so neither shall I!” This statement shows how we all tend to be somewhat like our parents. If we don’t ‘lay a hand on [our children] except to bless [them]’, just imagine what we are passing on to all of the generations that come after us! Our children’s first instinct when difficult times arise will not be to spank, but to bless and love. ‘Religious and moral teachings’ was yet another point the author made about the use of corporal punishment. It is true that in a great deal of Christian literature about child-rearing, there is often the discussion of spanking and its uses. I do find it surprising, since it has been pointed out that ‘the rod’ used in the scriptures was not used to beat but to guide. The author, however, states that corporal punishment is often used to ‘shape ideology’ and keep children in line with conservative teachings. In many cases this backfires and makes the children resent the parents as well as the teachings. I think, however, my favorite part about this article was the author’s turning of the tables. He asks why, if it is acceptable to spank or beat children, it’s not acceptable to spank or beat adults and co-workers. They need to learn a lesson, too, from time to time, so why can’t we spank adults? In adults this would be considered abuse. If it is abuse toward adults, who are fully grown and fully able to control themselves and understand what is going on, then why is it acceptable to spank and beat children who don’t completely understand and are innocent and unable to control nor defend themselves? We should not be using our hands to beat them into submission. Finally, the author asks if we are being good overall examples to our children. Are we advocating for them and teaching them good parenting skills? Are we good role models? Would we WANT our children to do as we have done? In reality, we should be using our hands to bless and love our children at all times. References:
Blevins, K. (2018). What does ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ mean in the Bible? Crosswalk.com. Retrieved from: https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/bible-study/what-does-spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child-mean.html Brown, A. D. (2017). Spare the rod and spoil the child. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/towards-recovery/201711/spare-the-rod-spoil-the-child Step to Health. (2020). The harmful effects of physical punishment for children. Retrieved from: https://steptohealth.com/the-harmful-effects-of-physical-punishment-for-children/
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