There. Now that that's take care of... It feels lately like I'm swimming backward through Jell-o. Why that is, I don't know. I feel like I run around really fast DOING lots of things, but at the end of the day, I've accomplished nothing. It's frustrating. Enter in that time of year where we're 'supposed' to make goals and improve things, and here it is day 4 of the new year, and I haven't even sat down to think about it yet! Ugh. I have thousands of things swimming in my head that I'd LIKE to do, but I have yet to sort it out. Not sure why. School starts again next week, and I haven't even sat down to start planning yet. I just want to hide in a corner and sleep for a few months. I can't, of course, and I probably won't, but there are days (like today, where I woke up feeling like I've been run over by a steam roller and lawn mower--I probably look like it, too) when that just seems like the most sensible thing to do.
What to do? Just take it one day at a time, I suppose. I know it's better to live and work intentionally. I've spent a lot of time the past few months just going through the motions, as I've felt over-extended in every aspect of my life--spiritually, mentally, physically... I'm sure this feeling will pass some day, and that I'll have learned many valuable lessons, but that's just it; valuable lessons are learned through hard experience. And hard experience is, well, hard! I know I'll be grateful for the hard times. I AM grateful for the past hard times, so I suppose the current ones will be no exception. Chalk it all up to experience, rub my eyes, stretch a little, and start to focus in.
I spent all day Monday with Devin (it was a holiday, so Devin was home) cleaning up the Christmas decorations. It was so weird that the more I picked up, the messier my house seemed! I was going CRAZY!! I couldn't understand why I was rushing around, picking things up, putting things away, tidying where I saw it needed it...and yet it looked WORSE!! By mid-afternoon I wanted to scream!!!! At that point everyone in my house left, so I was alone to make dinner. As I was putting together my fresh tomato soup in the instant pot (which was SPECTACULAR by the way) and my Italian bread sticks, I pondered on why it was that I wasn't accomplishing anything on making my house less cluttered and more livable. I realized it was because I was merely surface cleaning. If I were to go, room by room, and take out ALL the stuff that didn't belong in that room--not just 'tidy it up' and make it 'look nice', but dig in and clear it out, then maybe that might help! So I did! I set a timer for 15 minutes in my 'music room', which happens to be my most favorite room, and went to work. After 15 minutes, I had a big pile of stuff just outside of the room that didn't belong there, and the room was not just 'clean', but it was CALM. I found a CALM place again! I was SO happy!! I did the same thing yesterday, except this time, I made my kids join me. We did the living room, which was substantially worse! Again, it's now CALM! It's like the clutter in the room is screaming at me, and once it's gone, the room is calm. Even today, 2 days after my music room cleaning, it's still calm! There are a few things out of place (this happens when not only do I have my 4 kids here, but we have another whole family with two small children living with us for a time), but it's still CALM.
So what have I learned from this? Focus. Baby steps. Get rid of the clutter. Go for the CALM, not the 'clean'. That sure wounds like a "New Years" goal to me.